Committed Cohabiters

在宽带互联网投资大规模减税基础设施建设等各式经济刺激措施呼之欲出的同时，美国一些最昂贵的社会投资却在降温，并且急需得到救助，那就是：结婚。美国的婚姻状况并不理想。人们总是回避这个问题，说什么职业女性不到年龄真的大了就一直耗着不结婚，要么就是谈论男人如何在再婚时娶到年轻太太。不过，实际情况是，除了那些最有钱的人，越来越多的美国人压根儿就不结婚。目前，美国家庭中有子女的已婚家庭比例尚不足四分之一，这一比率只是1960年时的一半。从2005年开始，已婚家庭（不论其类型）已经成为美国社会中的少数群 。这并不是说美国人突然变得喜欢沾花惹草或一下子转而崇尚独身主义了。美国人依然出双入对，愿意与恋人长相厮守，只是现在没有了戒指婚纱和重金聘来的摄影师。他们选择以负责任的态度同居，而且这已成为了美国增长最快的家庭模式。人口普查局(Census)的数据显示，美国目前有520万对非婚同居伴侣，共生育了220万名子女。与已婚夫妇相比，非婚同居伴侣的社会阶层较低，他们收入少教育水平低住房拥有率也低。就婚姻问题而言，富人和低收入群体之间俨然已形成了一道越来越宽的鸿沟：前者能够负担得起婚姻，后者中越来越多的人则过着没有一纸婚书的婚姻生活。不过如今，不仅是年轻人过着被上一代称做伤风败俗的非婚同居生活，就连他们的父母也开始习惯并选择这样的生活方式。50岁以上的人口是增长最快的非婚同居人群。美国现有2,500万50岁以上的丧偶离婚人士，他们不愿因为再婚而让遗产（或丧葬）情况复杂化，但他们也像年轻人一样温柔地爱着自己的恋人，并且希望恋人能陪伴自己走完人生的旅程。不过社会提倡的是婚姻和一夫一妻制，那么为什么采取行动来改变现状呢？现在有两个选择：让婚姻在经济和社会层面上变得更有吸引力；或者遵从大众意见，扩充事实婚姻伴侣的权利和义务。现在的情况是我们对一切放任自流，其结果便是让婚姻作为一种制度继续破灭。“配偶”这个词正在越来越多地被“伴侣”代替。如果要鼓励人们结婚，这里有一些现成的办法：进行减税而不是税务罚款；对过错离婚不去穷追猛打；敦促宗教人士不要再花那么多的时间来抨击某些婚姻（如同性婚姻异族通婚等），而应该把首要精力放在鼓励人们结婚上；或许在“母亲节”和“父亲节”之外再设立一个“配偶节”。再在结婚周年礼物上动动心思怎样？先不考虑1周年“纸婚”和5周年“木婚”，让我们看得远一些。我们可以把结婚10周年升级为“银婚”，婚姻的路上走这么久不容易，值得人们多花些钱来庆祝；25周年应该被称做“金婚”；至于50周年嘛，天哪，那可以被称为“希望钻石婚”了！我们面临的另一种选择是去丰富非婚同居人群的权利和义务。这种新的生活方式影响着从子女监护到遗产赠与再到近亲继承等各种社会法律，以及每一项与家庭福利相关的规章制度。是不是可以让某位乡村俱乐部会员的“未婚重要友人”无须等候直接入会？让某位逝者的人生伴侣能够继续保留她爱人租住的公寓？让同游队伍不因其中某些成年人没有血缘或婚姻关系而享受不了迪斯尼家庭套票？同样，商人们也应该认识到社会上存在着非婚同居者这样一个群体，并提供符合他们特殊情况的产品：有“他”或“她”名字首字母的毛巾，不过要分别设计；能够写下两人全名的地址签；还有让非婚同居夫妇选择分头或一起安排身后事的遗嘱文件包。如果所有结婚周年纪念卡上都少了“结婚”二字，那么让我们开始为同居生活庆贺吧！在某种意义上，家庭中的夫妻关系与工作中雇员与老板的关系越来越像。50年前，人们预计一生中不会换工作或者只会换上一次工作，而如今一些人估计他们要换上五六次工作。如果婚姻意味着“直到死亡将彼此分离”，那么同居就有那么点“直到生活将彼此分离”的意思。家庭生活就如工作一样，人们在合同上签名，但也不想让自己背上太过沉重的负担，以致于难以展开一段新的旅程。所以社会规划者们最好跟上时代潮流，他们已经落后于这一可能是最基本的趋势──如何接纳在非正式婚姻和婚姻制度之间生存的中间人群。金融危机给底层人群带来了最沉重的打击，这可能导致更多非婚同居现象的出现，并最终把这个少数群体变成多数群体。Mark Penn相关阅读美国百万富翁财富缩水30% 2009-01-07美国家庭终于开始存钱 2009-01-06救助计划未能刺激英国银行业放贷 2009-01-05家人齐心协力 共度金融危机 2009-01-05圣经稳居美国畅销书榜首 2008-12-31 本文涉及股票或公司document.write (truthmeter('2009年02月10日19:24', 'YHOO'));雅虎公司英文名称：Yahoo! Inc.总部地点：美国上市地点：纳斯达克股票代码：YHOO


With all the stimulus ready to go into more broadband, bigger tax cuts and infrastructure, some of America's most expensive societal investments are also on the decline and in need of a bailout -- getting married.Marriage in America is on the rocks. People skirt the issue, talking about how career women delay marriage until it's too late, or about how men marry younger the second time around. But the truth is, except for the highest-income Americans among us, fewer and fewer of us are getting married at all.Married couples with children now make up fewer than one in four U.S. households. That's half the rate of 1960. Married households of any type have been in the minority since 2005.It's not that people are suddenly more promiscuous, or more celibate. Americans are pairing off and staying together just as much as ever, but now it's without the rings, gowns and expensive photographers. They are America's committed cohabiters, and theirs is the fastest-growing kind of U.S. household. According to the Census, there are 5.2 million such cohabiting couples, and they are raising 2.2 million children.Committed cohabiters are more downscale than married parents -- they have lower incomes, lower education levels and lower rates of home ownership. There is now a great and growing marital divide between the rich who can afford it and the downscale, who are living more and more without it.But today it's not just the young who are living in what just a generation ago was called living in sin -- their parents have adapted and are living that way too. The fastest growth in cohabitation is among the over-50 set. Oftentimes, widows, widowers and divorced Americans over 50 -- who now total 25 million people -- don't want to complicate inheritances (or burial plans) with a second marriage, but they are committing to each other with devotion just as tender as young people experience, and they are counting very much on the other's being there at the end.Society values marriage and monogamy, though, so why isn't it doing anything about it? There are two options: make marriage economically and socially more attractive, or go with the flow and expand the privileges and obligations of 'common law' couples. Right now we are letting the chips fall where they may -- a tactic which is currently causing marriage to continue to wither away as an institution. The word 'partner' is increasingly replacing the word 'spouse.'If we wanted to increase the number of marriages, we have a number of ideas readily at hand. Tax breaks, instead of tax penalties. Yes-fault divorce. A push for religious leaders to stop spending so much time decrying some marriages (e.g., gay ones, interracial ones), and instead focus on encouraging marriage in the first place. Maybe a national 'Spouse Day,' to go along with Mother's Day and Father's Day.How about revisiting those traditional anniversary gifts? Forget the paper in year one and the wood in year five -- let's upgrade the scale. Call 10 years the 'silver' anniversary, to celebrate more lavishly those who make it there. Make 25 the 'golden' one. And for those who make it to 50 years, hell, give them the Hope Diamond.Alternatively, we could expand the rights and obligations of committed cohabiters. Every legal arrangement in society -- from child custody to survivors' benefits to next-of-kin decision-making -- is affected by this new living arrangement. And so is every institution that gears its benefits around families. Can an unmarried significant other, even a longstanding one, skip the waiting list at the country club because his 'friend' already belongs? Can a widowed life partner keep her beloved's rent-controlled apartment? Can you still get the family rate at Disneyland if the adults in your group are unrelated by either blood or marriage?Marketers, too, have yet to recognize committed cohabiters as a class and start offering products that acknowledge their unique status. Towels with his and her initials, but separately designed. Address labels that can actually handle two full names. How about a legal and will kit that allows cohabiters to choose just how separate-and-apart they want to be in death, as in life? And if Hallmark is missing out on all those wedding anniversary cards, maybe it's time to celebrate when we moved in together.In a sense, relationships at home are increasingly paralleling relationships at work with employers. Whereas 50 years ago, people expected to have one or two jobs for life, now some estimates say they expect six or seven. If marriage was meant to be ''til death do us part,' cohabitation is a little more like ''til life drives us apart.'At home as at work, Americans are signing on, but without all the trappings that might make progression to the next stage too difficult. And social planners better catch up. They have fallen behind on what could be the most basic of trends -- how to accommodate people navigating the middle ground between uncommitted hook-ups, and the 'institution' of marriage. And with the financial crisis hitting the downscale the hardest, it may lead to even more cohabitation without marriage, accelerating this microtrend into something bigger.-By MARK PENN-0-Copyright (c) 2009 Dow Jones & Company, Inc.