Life is hopeless, 生活只有眼前的苟且

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML
被解雇了，今天在上班的时候上Facebook被我们老板看到了，结果我们老板就通过Facebook给我留言说我被解雇了。结果居然有6个赞，卧槽 FML

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML
第一次跟我男朋友开房，本来以为应该是很浪漫的，结果特别的难受。在做爱的同时，我们把电视的音量放的特别大，当时正在放“电锯惊魂 5”，全程我净去看电影了，都没记住啥滋味。FML

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML
打小对打针的注射器患有恐惧，很严重的那种，看到针管就害怕的不要不要的，今天看到个献血车，一时心血来潮，想着献血嘛，应该就不怕了，结果人家护士还没拿针我就哭了，小护士一脸懵逼FML

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach（n. 胃；腹部；胃口 vt. 忍受；吃下 vi. 忍受）, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML
我现在恐怕是天底下最倒霉的人了，刚刚离职，今年26。结果现在找不到合适的工作，为了生活，老子每天要不停的把手指从火鸡的屁眼儿里面插进去然后剪开它的胃，掏内脏，每分钟要弄15个，真心不想活了。 FML

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML
最近一直瘦不下来，结果今天一上称，哎，轻了6磅(相当于5.44斤)哎，当时感觉姐姐这减肥还是蛮给力的，结果当我从称上下来一看，我这个称一边儿搁地毯上了额，娘的白欢喜了 。FML

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
差点儿被自己的口水淹死，真事儿，今天正上课呢，老师让我起来演讲，结果不知道怎么了，一口口水堵在了嗓子眼儿，憋了我半天，老子才终于咳嗽了出来，当时全班同学都在看着我，我们老师最终让我坐下（估计丫以为我演呢）的时候，老子连一小段都没讲出来。。FML
原文地址：[ 米国囧事 ] http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/12