我可能遇到了假的父母

摘要: 每个熊孩子的心中都住着一只熊妈妈
Today, I had to explain to my mother that it is inappropriate（adj. 不适当的；不相称的） to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML

我男朋友带着父母一起来我们家吃饭，结果我妈当着人家爸妈的面把我男朋友给揍了，谁能告诉我这事儿该怎么解决。FML



Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

今天去游泳馆游泳，刚好我的男神（我哥哥的一个超帅的哥们儿）也在，末了准备开车回家的时候，我一回头刚好看到男神向我这边游了过来，于是楼主翻身就游了过去（心想，真是老天的安排，心想事成啊），结果还没等我出发，后面传来了我老妈阴阳怪气的声音“我要是你的话现在死活不会过去的，也不看看你现在这傻样儿。。。。”。，真是亲妈。FML



Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML

好想离家出走，我妈妈偷看了我的日记（她说自己因为太担心了），现在我所有的隐私都被她知道了，我患忧郁症的事情，喝醉酒之后被一个陌生人弄了失去童贞的事情，现在好想离开这里。(她还告诉我爸了)FML



Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

楼主是一个飞机的机长，今天进行起飞前检查，结果在飞机下的地面上发现一堆不明液体，因为害怕是燃油泄漏，所以楼主赶紧用手沾了一下捻了捻，然后闻了一下，万幸的是不是燃油，看起来不用担心，不幸的是，特么的我的副机长这个烂货又随地大小便了。   FML



Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

今天听到我7岁大的女儿跟人说话的时候用了“垃圾”来骂人，所以我就跟她讲，这个事不好的，因为用这个词会显得很粗鲁，结果你猜怎么着？这闺女居然一仰头“这都算啥啊，你都没听见我在学校说的哪些”。。。   ，都别拦着我，看我不揍死她。FML



Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

讲讲我的奇葩爸妈的事儿吧，我妈刚才劈头盖脸的把我骂了一顿“白眼狼”，因为我拒绝借钱给她付账单（估计楼主勤工俭学），但是问题在于上一次他们跟我借了钱之后并不是去付账单，而且去了买了一台新的MacBook跟一辆新车，而我自己挣来的钱是准备用来供自己上大学的。，我是太自私了么？FML

原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/33