哎，我这暴脾气

Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML

参加了一个宗教和哲学课程的佛教祈祷服务。结束的时候，大家都站起来了。不幸的是，我的腿和脚估计睡着了，然后瞬间以僧侣拜扣的姿势五体投地趴在了地上。希望我的这个课程老师给我们都买了人身意外险。   FML



Today, after a guided meditation class, our instructor asked us all to name the thing we are most thankful for. My fiancé, completely serious, answered "Nintendo." When the teacher looked at him, slightly incredulously, he changed his answer to "our dog." FML

跟我老公一起参加一个冥想班，老师让大家每个人说一个自己最感激的人或者事，高潮来了，轮到我老公的时候，他想也不想，“我的任天堂”，嗯，这不是高潮，老师比较诧异地看着他，估计他自己也觉着不对了，“其实我最感激我们家的狗了”。   FML



Today, my parents met my boyfriend for the first time. They spent the entire meal trying to convince him to dump me, all while I was sitting right next to him. FML

第一次带我男朋友回家，我爸妈花了一整天讲我的各种糗事，搞的我好像配不上我男朋友似的，这可是我的亲爸妈。   FML



Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre​. FML

我奶奶今天要把我从她的遗嘱受益人里面去掉，因为我不相信她的狗狗会跳舞。FML



Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

人缘好是一种什么样的体验？我今天请了一天的假在外面玩儿，结果不知道是因为我发的微博刺激到了大家还是我的人员真的是太好了，休假的下半天全部浪费在回复我的同事还有客户的消息上面了。FML



Today, a customer brutally berated me when I informed him that our store doesn't sell air mattresses. We exclusively sell clothing. FML

今天遇到一个煞笔客户，进来直接跟我讲要买一个充气床垫儿，我告诉他没有，结果你猜怎么着？丫居然跟我吵上了，你妹的老子开店就得卖充气床垫啊？老子特么是卖衣服的好不好。   FML



Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

邻居是个大帅比，跟我搭讪了好久了，昨天刚答应去他们家约会，结果他被警察带走了。，是不是现在的帅哥都是毒贩？FML



原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/20