怼死人不偿命的囧事

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

楼主在药店上班，经常碰到各种奇葩，今天，一个老爷子，张嘴要买炜哥，根据法律流程，买这个的时候我们必须要问清楚对方有没有什么不方便服用的地方，结果老爷子说“我就是路过这里，买点儿备用”。问题是这个老爷子买这个药的时候他老婆和闺女就在他身边。我一定是想歪了。。FML



Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

今天收到一封分手短信，短信里面她说我是一个可怜的身无分文的垃圾，不配做一个男人，当年我妈妈怎么没把我当成一个蛋给吃了（不是很理解是什么梗）。然后还说永远也不会有任何人会喜欢我的。我当时很震惊，我震惊不是因为这封信如此的绝情，而是特么的老子已经两年多没摸过女孩子的小手了。FML



Today, my live-in landlady told me she's thinking of selling, but she hasn't made up her mind yet. Guess that's why the estate agents have arranged a house viewing tomorrow. You know, because she's "still not sure". FML

搞不好明天就要露宿街头了，我的房东告诉我明天会有房产中介带人来看房子，我问她是想要卖么？结果丫跟我讲还没有定下来--等你定下来我就该傻了。FML





Today, my toddler realised that my pregnancy means I can't move easily anymore. He celebrated his freedom by doing everything he's not allowed to, and staying just outside my reach at all times. He loves his new game, and it looks like he's not going to stop anytime soon. FML

叛逆的小孩 -- 一般小孩子都喜欢四处乱跑乱翻，大人为了安全跟整洁的考虑一般都管的比较严，此为前提，怀孕好几个月了，今天我儿子突然意识到我现在没法很快的四处走了，然后这熊孩子就在家里四处乱翻，把以前不让干的事情统统干了一遍，然后就站在我够不到的地方得意。FML



Today, it was my first time opening the store alone. My alarm didn't go off and my phone died during the night. I was an hour late and people were waiting outside. My store happens to also be the only pharmacy in town. FML



如果你们住的地方附近方圆十里之内只有一家药店，而这家药店恰巧没有开门的时候，可想生病需要拿药的人会有多么着急和生气。今天我就遭遇了这种情况，问题在于，我是经营这方圆十里唯一一家药店的伙计，所以当我的闹铃坏了，而且手机半夜死机的时候，我觉着我很难安全的对排着这么长的队伍的人解释到底发生了什么。    FML



Today, I was giving my one-year-old a bath. I'd finished washing her, so she started to play and splash. When I went to lift her out of the tub, I slipped and busted my kneecaps on the side. Guess who sat there and laughed hysterically as I cried out in agony. FML

大家都知道小孩子在洗澡的时候特别的喜欢溅水玩儿，洗个澡往往弄的遍地都是湿的，很滑。此为前提。今天就在我给我一岁的小孩洗完澡从浴盆往外抱的时候一跤摔在了地上，整个膝盖都摔坏了，我痛的都哭了，结果这熊孩子在那边哈哈大笑。   FML

原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/8